Always a Loser
by Mikka K-chan
Summary: **YAOI/YURI** The Digiworld has called, and the Chosen must answer. Ken, with the support of his two Joggess Partners, must learn the truth of who and why he is.
1. Part One -- Haunted

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K-chan -- I'm BACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKK! I'm sure everyone missed me, mm?

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Duo-kun -- Not especially.

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Seiji -- You were gone?

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Wormmon -- Oh, sugoi! A story about Ken-chan. Yay!

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K-chan -- Bah, I need new muses. Anyway, this is actually a cross-over, but it mainly stars Digimon. Pretty much, if you don't know Digimon, you'll be lost, but if you don't know about some of the other series involved, you'll do alright.

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Duo-kun -- Gundam Wing *BETTER* be in it.

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K-chan -- Um, so far, characters from Serial Experiments Lain, Fushigi Yuugi, Card Captor Sakura, and Pocket Monsters have showed up. However, they haven't even been given a chance to show if they have a personality or not, poor people. Pretty much, their names have been mentioned, and that's it. There are also a few yaoi hints in this chapter, but nothing that's really enough to be warned about. In the next few chapters, on the other hand…

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Seiji -- K-chan does not own any of the above series, including Digimon. She doesn't really own much of anything, because she's saving all her money for Morrowind when it comes out. You have no reason to sue her, so don't.

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K-chan -- I love how he can say that all in a monotone.

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Duo-kun -- You know, this author's note is better quality then the story. And longer, too.

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Wormmon -- It's about Ken-chan! Read it! And review, he's having a hard time… *kawaii Wormmon face*

Always a Loser

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PART ONE -- Haunted

Ichijouji Ken was considering jumping off his balcony.

He didn't know WHY he was thinking such a thing- he hadn't had suicidal thoughts in years now. Somewhere in him, he was pretty sure he knew the reason of the hurt that pooled in him, but he was ignoring it. He wasn't ready to deal with it.

Daisuke…

He shook his head violently, and leaned further over. He was going out with some kids from school (along with Miyako-chan, who had transferred to his High School early last year). He couldn't afford to be stuck thinking about HIM. HIM, who was now dating, now dating…

He shook his head and walked back in to his room. He had to resist temptation. Had to. Jumping off the balcony would just prove him weak, anyway. And one thing Ken hated was to be weak. Weakness was just a sign that he couldn't live up to his brother. He knew Osamu would never consider anything remotely like suicide. It was just the way he was.

'_And me? I look like a poster-boy for a Prozac ad. I'm surprised people aren't always checking me for cutting._', he thought dryly.

It was true. Black was his favorite color these days, and he almost always dressed in it, if he wasn't in his gray uniform. His pale skin, dark hair, and strange colored eyes gave him a clear 'Gothic' look. His personality- somewhat aloof, morbid, and very defensive went along with the new-rage 'Gothic' image.

Ken glanced down at his dark jeans and dark blue button down, but decided just to leave it the way it was. It was who he was. '_Who cares about damn images? I'm just me. Fucking angst-boy Ichijouji Ken_;'. Bitterly, he grabbed his long coat and walked out of the house, ignorant of his mother's call of goodbye.

"Your late, Ken-kun!", he heard an accusing voice say. He glanced up as he walked in to the small cafe- ah, there they were. Walking over to the booth where a group of teens were lounging, he ploped himself somewhat ungracefully next to one of the girls. Miyako, who was sitting across from him, gave him a smirk. It was somewhat amusing, with all seven of them crammed on one four person booth, but it seemed that all of their small gang were thin boned, so it worked.

"What were you doing, Ken-kun?", the soft voice next to him asked. He glanced over at the quiet girl in his study hall, and gave a small smile- forced, but yet still real. He liked her- not in a romantic way, his feelings were saved for one person only, but in the way you would like a younger sibling.

"I was doing some chores, Lain-chan. They just took longer than I expected.", he said, his voice smooth and calm.

Miyako raised an eyebrow from where she leaned across from him. "You, actually doing chores? Your parents have gotten stricter, haven't they?". She stirred her coffee slowly, leaning forward across the booth, studying him carefully as though trying to root out a secret.

Ken remained stone-faced. If she thought she was going to find out how CLOSE he had been to loosing everything, she had another thing coming. He met her eyes with his sharp violet ones, and after a moment, she turned to the anti-social boy sitting next to her, trying to pull him in to a conversation. Ken let out a small sigh of relief, and got up to walk over to the counter.

He ordered his usual- French Vanilla cappuccino, and paid the rip-off price that he complained to himself about everyday yet never did anything about. He had enough money that it wasn't overly a concern, after all- he was pretty sure he would get a scholarship to college, and even if he didn't, all the money himself and Osamu had made when they were younger was in his hands now. 

He shook his head quickly; he didn't want to think about Osamu. Giving one last nod to the cashier girl, an upperclassman at his school, he wandered back over to the booth, sipping the cappuccino as he did. His eyes glanced over his friends once more, wondering how they had all gotten to where they were.

Himself, the 'Genius Boy' soccer player. Miyako, the popular cheerful sometimes-slut. Lain, the quiet, introspective computer geek. Shigeru, the anti-social standoffish brat. Dou'kun, a childish curious genius. And Sakura, the adorable cheerful athlete.

They were of their own group at the school, mainly for the reason that they wouldn't fit in anywhere else. Ken had to admit it was nice, having 'friends', as the other Chosen were so busy with school and sports that he hardly ever saw them. Still, he missed watching Taichi and Yamato argue, seeing Iori idolize Jyou, listening to Koushiro try to explain things, helping Takeru and Hikari avoid their brothers protective watch, being amused as Sora (and sometimes Mimi) tried to keep things in order, and…

Daisuke…

"Ichijouji-kun? Are you alright?", a concerned voice questioned.

He jumped a bit in his seat, blushing slightly at being caught daydreaming. He quickly glanced around, seeing Sakura watching him with somewhat startled eyes. The slight girl was the one who had asked him, but it was easy to see that she didn't think he had been so deep in thought. He blushed harder at realizing how foolish he most likely seemed now, and quickly went to staring at his drink, just making a muttered 'hai' sound.

Just before it seemed that everyone was going to go back to what they were doing, he felt an arm grab his own, and looked up quickly to meet Miyako's annoyed eyes. Inside, he cringed, knowing he was in for it now, but on the outside he remained composed and calm. He could feel his friends eyes cutting through him in her annoyance, and quickly thought of a way to get out of this.

"ICHIJOUJI KEN! What the HELL is wrong with you? You came here late, for the first time in FOREVER, you've been out ever sense, and you're acting suspicious! What HAPPENED?". The pretty Inoue girl's voice rose and fell through her small speech, some words coming out higher than others. Shigeru, who was sitting next to her, was flinching and rubbing his right ear in semi-annoyance.

"You could be a great actress, Miyako-san.", piped up Dou'kun, his wide-eyes glinting playfully. Ken shot him a relieved look as Miyako turned her temper to Dou'kun, screeching at him. Shigeru was scrunched in his seat in-between them, looking pained; it was enough to bring a real smile to Ken's lips. The smile quickly faded, though, as he felt Lain grab on to his sleeve.

"Ken-kun, look! That pretty brown-haired girl. Isn't she one of your friends?".

Ken glanced out the window of the café, and his eyes widened slightly. Yes, that was Yagami Hikari, no doubt- but what was she doing over here in Tamachi? And who was- oh. Walking a few feet behind her, with his hand curled up in Takeru-kun's and a cheerful smile on his face, was him.

Daisuke.

To quote one of Dou'kun's friends, Genrou, '_oh fucking shit_.'


	2. Part Two -- Lost

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K-chan -- I just want the world to know I HAVE A NEW MUSE SO BWHAHAHAHA! Err… sorry. Yes, I have a new muse. No, you can't have him. He's mine. So there.

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Duo-kun -- Err… yeah. Enough with that. This is the continuation of a piece of fanfiction that no one really enjoyed but for some reason this baka jo-chan just HAD to continue instead of writing something half decent that actually had normal characters in it like ME for instance-

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Wormmon -- Your normal? Ken-chan said your like Daisuke… and Miyako-chan says that Daisuke isn't normal at ALL. She says he's just weird and scary.

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Seiji -- …hmm. So, Mikka-san, where is this new muse your introducing?

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K-chan -- Ah… yes… it's… XELLOS!

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Xelloss-sama -- *^_^*

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Seiji -- His… vibes…

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Duo-kun -- *_takes in the priest outfit, the longish hair, the powerful aura, and the smile_* I think I like him.

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K-chan -- I thought you would. Well, yes. This is a continuation to a story. Couples mentioned in this part are a bit of Takari/Hikeru, Miyaken/Kenyako, and Tasuke/Daikeru. All three are couples I hate, may I add. Really really hate. There's also some unrequired love going around, but it's not overly focused on. So yeah. And the characters at the beginning are from different anime's- Serial Experiments Lain, Pokemon, Fushigi Yuugi, and Card Captor Sakura. Mmm.

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Duo-kun -- There's shounen ai in this chapter, and things will most likely end up progressing to full out yaoi and yuri in further chapters. Don't like? Don't read. No one's forcing you to. And yes, this will get better. Someone insulted jo-chan's taste of muses, and NOW we're getting serious. Right, right?

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Seiji -- This author's note is already a page long. …and I don't like the vibes that guy gives off. He's not human… a demon?

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Xelloss-sama -- Sore wa himitsu desu!

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Wormmon -- K-sama used the term 'genki', or 'genkiness' a few times in this chapter. It's a word to describe someone extremely cheerful and happy and hyper. That's what Ken-chan says, anyway, and Ken-chan knows everything! But please review and give sympathy to Ken-chan, because he's feeling sad, and Miyako's just given him a nasty surprise!

Always a Loser

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PART TWO -- Lost

'_Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn._'

Ken wasn't prepared to meet Daisuke at the moment. He wasn't prepared to have to act. Yes, he always acted- but Daisuke knew him the best. Daisuke could see through all but his best acting, and he *would* if Ken wasn't careful. But seeing them… seeing them…

He blinked rapidly, surprised about how much his eyes stung. Angerly, he rubbed a hand across them. No one noticed.

"Woah, it is 'Kari-chan! I wonder what she's doing out here… wait… is that… WHAT THE HELL?".

Miyako- you could always count on her to be loud. She was now standing up, gaping as Hikari walked past the many windows to the doors of the café, with the two boys following her. The long-haired girls eyes were wide, and her mouth opened and shut in disbelief. Ken noted with some detachment that this seemed like an extreme shock to her. That shouldn't be right, she was the inheritor of the Crest of Love… he shook his head again. He shouldn't think about it. He shouldn't care.

"What the heck? Why is she allowing… are they both… I didn't think, I mean, I always thought that Takeru-kun would be with… with Hikari-chan and Daisuke-baka would be with… I don't… why doesn't she hit them? What the heck is going on? Ken, you know something, don't you? What…"

Miyako seemed to run out of things to say as Hikari came within hearing distance and walked over to them, smiling prettily. Ken painfully watched as the two boys followed her, talking quietly amongst themselves as though they were the only two who mattered. Maybe they were.

"Miyako-chan! Ichijouji-kun! We've been looking for you. Koushiro-san found something interesting involving the thing you wanted him to look up, Miya, and he wanted to show it to you two right away.", Hikari said, a forced cheerfulness seeping in her voice.

No matter what her words said, her hands fiddled with a Digivise, giving Miyako and Ken all the clues they needed. Both exchanged a look, and then glanced at their school friends. Lain was looking at them almost suspiciously, but the rest seemed perfectly calm about Hikari's reason (except perhaps Sakura-chan, who was watching the two boys with her 'Hoe?' expression clearly visible).

Ken stood up, took another quick sip of his drink, and gave a quick bow to his friends, apologizing for leaving them. And he meant it, too- he did cherish actually having time to hang with them. However, other things were more important on his mind- even more important than balconies, killing Takeru, and… him.

His eyebrows narrowed together, focusing on the issue. Why the hell would the Digiworld need anything from them at this point? Koushiro and he had done everything they could to try to crack the gate to get back in to the Digital World after their adventure in the 'Dream Reality', but neither of them, together and apart, could do anything to get in to the other world. Depressed, they had finally given up around four months ago, after over three years of work. It didn't make sense.

Quietly, the five teenagers made their way out of the café. Hikari walked first, with her grace and beauty shining. Daisuke and Takeru followed, still involved in their conversation (so involved that they hadn't even given a greeting to the two Tamachi Chosen, a fact that stung harshly in Ken's chest). Then Ken and Miyako walked, with Miyako still looking puzzled- although he wasn't sure if it was about the same thing as before or the Digital World.

He felt someone grab his shirtsleeve, and quickly looked over at Miyako, who was glaring at him with burning eyes. There was almost a snarl on her face, as though rage was seeping through her. He dully wondered what could have her so upset, and why at him, but the thoughts had hardly ran through his brain when she started talking.

"What the fuck do you know about this, Ken?". She seemed to feel swearing would help her point, although usually she was very clean mouthed. "Why the heck are they acting like lovers? When did this happen? And what… GRR. What the hell happened?!?!".

He wondered if saying 'I don't know' would satisfy her, but he had a feeling it wouldn't. She was good at being able to tell when people lied- maybe because she had inherited the Crest of Sincerity, maybe not. However, he didn't want to tell her about how long Daisuke had lusted over Takeru. He didn't want to tell her about how he had seen them sleeping together- oh god, something he didn't want to think about. He didn't want to explain anything to her. So he just shrugged.

Miyako was not happy with that answer.

"You KNOW something! I know you know something! Why are they hurting Hikari-chan? She loves Takeru-kun! Did you put them up to this? What the hell happened, Ken? What are they doing?". Her voice was still quiet, as she didn't want to be overheard, but it got higher and higher pitched as she spoke. It hurt his ears.

"I don't know. Maybe they like each other? Seems to be a good reason for them to be dating.", he finally remarked. His voice came out choked, like he was trying not to cry. He cursed himself for it.

Miyako, showing the compassion she often hid, looked at him closely, opened her mouth, then shut it. Her eyes narrowed on the two boys walking in front of them, however, and her mouth set in to a determined thin line. Ken had a strange feeling about what she would do, and quickly spoke to buy more time till she started whatever crazy plot she was scheming up.

"Yagami-san,"- formal, he was always so formal- "what exactly happened? There's no way to get in to the Digital World. What happened to change that?".

Hikari slowed down, letting the laughing Daisuke and smiling Takeru in front of her, and then started to walk with Miyako and Ken. Her eyes were grave and filled with a sadness familiar to Ken, but she still had a pained smile on her face. It seemed to be frozen there, a far-cry of her usual genkiness.

"We're not sure, Ichijouji-kun. Koushiro-san got an email from Gennai saying that the Digital World was in 'grave peril'. With Gennai, that could mean anything, but we figured we should collect everyone- well, at least all of us here, we can't get Mimi-chan, of course.".

"Too bad.", Miyako said dreamily. Ken gave her an amused look- her fascination with Mimi scared him- but he was glad she now had her mind on something besides Takeru, Daisuke, and Hikari. It wasn't any of her business anyway. Nor was it his.

"So, all of us, even the elder, are planning on going to the Digital World? Shouldn't some people be staying here to monitor everything?", Ken questioned. He was frowning slightly- something inside of him told him that everything that COULD go wrong WOULD go wrong. He didn't like the idea of having EVERYONE to be there. But he had nothing but his suspicions to base that on.

"Yes, it would perhaps be a better idea for at least some of us to stay and wait in the real world. However, all of us miss our Digimon so much, and we don't know how long the gate would be open. But…". Hikari then frowned, and shook her head slightly. "Well, it's not important. The main thing is getting back to Koushiro-san's place.".

"Koushiro-sempai couldn't find anything else? Geesh! That Gennai, it seems he enjoys making things more difficult for us. Silly old man…", Miyako went to muttering then, using some terms which were quite inappropriate. Ken raised an eyebrow at it- if she was still swearing, she was still angry- but he didn't say a word. Silence gave him time to get his thoughts straight, and his thoughts needed straightening.

He was lost in thought- thinking about Wormmon, actually, and how he wished the small bug digimon was there- when he felt someone watching him. He glanced up, to meet a pair of crimson eyes. Hikari was watching him closely, with a strange expression that was almost frightening. For the most part, Hikari paid him very little mind, and seemed to be vaguely indifferent to him. But from the expression she was shooting at him, she was now thinking of him closely. He didn't like that.

"Umm… Yagami-san? Are you feeling alright?".

Coming from anyone else, a saying like that would have sounded slightly stupid, but when Ichijouji Ken said it, it sounded perfect- polite and caring, but at the same time cool and distant. His tone was one of a polite acquaintance- a fellow student at school, someone who you just occasionally saw. Ken was relieved at that. He sounded- normal. Like he always did, despite the circles his mind was flying in.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ichijouji-kun. I've been feeling a bit out of it today.", the pretty girl replied. Takeru glanced up at her once, as though making sure she wasn't about to die, but then just gave her a faint smile and looked back to his partner. Ken could see the pain that radiated off of her, and felt sorry for the other girl. It was clear from the low growl next to him that Miyako felt the same way- but although Ken's emotions were just pity and sympathy, Miyako's also included fierce protectiveness.

Ken allowed his eyes to assess Miyako- her usually big eyes were narrowed in to slits, and her cute usual grin was twisted in to a scowl. In the scale in Ken's mind, she was about an 'eight'- close to explosion point, but not quite there yet. '_Yet._', he dimly reminded himself, and he told himself to keep an eye on her. He wasn't sure WHY she cared so much about Hikari and Takeru's relationship, but he had no plans to allow her to kill either Takeru or Daisuke. No, he wouldn't ever allow anyone to kill Daisuke, and if anyone was going to kill Takeru… well, he guiltily knew he wanted that job for himself.

"So, Miyako-chan, how have you been doing? Any new boyfriends?". Hikari's tone was light, as through she was trying to distract herself from everything else. There was a teasing amount in her voice, as though she knew what the answer would be- just as everyone else did. Miyako was prone to horrid luck with boys, and she suffered from crushes that almost always ended up miserably.

Suddenly, Ken felt something drop in his gut. Miyako's eyes were scheming up something, and he had a feeling that he was going to end up part of it no matter what he did. Miyako was known for coming up with outrageous plans- and although she always had good intentions, they often ended up bring everything crashing down around her. Then, it would be usually up to him and their friends to get her out of them. Yes, Miyako's schemes resulted in MUCH more trouble then they were worth.

"Well… you know how I said that there was someone important to me last time we talked? He kind of asked me out… so we've been dating for two months now.". Miyako was fiddling with her fingers, lacing them together almost nervously. Ken himself was gaping at her, not noticing or caring about the other three now.

When had this happened? Why had she told him? He felt hurt for a moment- two months she had been dating some guy, and he didn't even know? But… she was with him and their friends almost all the time. When had she been on dates? Was it a long distance relationship? Had she been with this guy all the times she had said she had been at cram school? How- how had this happened?

"Really? Eee! Miyako-chan!", Hikari squealed. She jumped up and down once, all of a sudden becoming a hundred percent genki- much more excited then Miyako looked at this moment. "I'm so happy for you! Who's the lucky guy? Do I know him? What's he like?".

Miyako just gave Hikari a strange smile- almost mystic, in a way. At that smile, Ken felt his arm start to bounce slightly. Something… was making him extremely nervous. A sixth sense, perhaps, but something told him that he should RUN, and get away from the other four teenagers quick. Before Miyako made her next move. Yet he remained frozen, watching with the same shocked expression as Miyako calmly took one of his hands and laid her head on his shoulder.

Why, oh why, did he never listen to his sixth sense?


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